"I'm not saying all of these are real. I'm saying none of them are fake." — Gary
⚠ SUBMIT YOUR OWN SIGHTING: You can't. The submission form was removed after someone submitted "the earth is round" 4,700 times. Gary says it was "a coordinated attack." The IP address traced back to a public library. Gary is now banned from that library. Possibly related. ⚠
REPORTER: Gary LOCATION: Denny's, 41st & Memorial, Tulsa, OK POP-TARTS: 6 (Strawberry Frosted, 3 packets) TOASTED: No (Denny's wouldn't let him use their toaster) DURATION: Approximately 47 minutes WEATHER: Clear (SUSPICIOUSLY clear)
REPORT: "I was eating my Pop-Tarts and I looked out the window and the horizon was DIFFERENT. It wasn't curving. It was just... going. Going and going and going. Like a table. An infinite table. The waitress asked if I wanted more coffee. I said no. I wanted more Pop-Tarts. She looked at me funny. She was not ready for the truth. Most people aren't. I ordered a Grand Slam to avoid suspicion and then ate 2 more Pop-Tarts under the table. Total: 8. The flatness was DEAFENING."
VERIFICATION STATUS: SELF-VERIFIED (Gary verified it himself, which he considers the highest standard of verification)
REPORTER: Gary LOCATION: Nephew's birthday party, backyard POP-TARTS: 24 (distributed, not all consumed by Gary) TOASTED: N/A (no toaster access, power strip was "not safe" according to Gary's sister) DURATION: Event lasted 3 hours. Gary's presentation lasted 45 minutes before being "shut down." WEATHER: Hot (Gary says "the dome traps heat")
REPORT: "I brought 24 Pop-Tarts (12 packets) and a poster board with charts. I gave every child 2 Pop-Tarts (EVEN) and told them to look at the horizon. My nephew said 'Uncle Gary the horizon is behind the fence.' This is why we need taller fences. Or shorter fences. One of the two. My sister asked me to leave after I started the Q&A portion. One child asked 'why are you sweating.' I was sweating because the TRUTH is physically demanding. I left the poster board. My sister threw it away. CENSORSHIP starts in the home."
VERIFICATION STATUS: 7 CHILDREN WERE PRESENT. NONE HAVE CORROBORATED. GARY SAYS CHILDREN "LACK THE ATTENTION SPAN FOR TRUTH."
REPORTER: Gary LOCATION: Interstate 44, mile marker 203 POP-TARTS: 4 (Brown Sugar Cinnamon, eaten while driving) TOASTED: No (Gary does not have a car toaster YET) DURATION: "The whole drive" WEATHER: Overcast (Gary notes: "clouds = dome camouflage")
REPORT: "I was driving to Walmart (the one I'm not banned from) and I ate 4 Pop-Tarts. The highway was SO flat. I know Oklahoma is flat anyway but this was DIFFERENT flat. This was TRUTH flat. The road just went on forever in a straight line. No curve. I drove for 40 minutes and the horizon never moved. That's not how a globe works. On a globe, the horizon should drop. It didn't drop. It just SAT THERE. Being flat. Being honest. I pulled over and cried. A highway patrol officer stopped to check on me. I tried to explain. He asked if I'd been drinking. I said 'no, eating.' He let me go. I think he understood."
VERIFICATION STATUS: OKLAHOMA IS INDEED FLAT. THIS IS PERHAPS THE LEAST CONTROVERSIAL SIGHTING.
REPORTER: Gary LOCATION: Gary's kitchen table / podcast studio POP-TARTS: 8 (Brown Sugar Cinnamon, toasted) TOASTED: YES DURATION: 47 minutes (the entire episode) WEATHER: Indoor (Gary notes: "indoors is just a small dome inside the big dome")
REPORT: "I was recording Episode 1 of the podcast. The plan was to eat Pop-Tarts live on air so listeners could HEAR the truth being consumed. At Pop-Tart #4, I looked out the kitchen window and saw the horizon. I stopped chewing. The microphone picked up my gasp. Then I resumed chewing because the recording was still going. By Pop-Tart #8, I could see the edge. Not clearly. But it was there. Like when you almost remember a dream. Mr. Flattington walked across the keyboard during this moment, which Gary considers 'divine intervention.' The episode is 47 minutes of chewing, one gasp, and a cat walking on a keyboard. It is the most honest piece of media ever produced."
VERIFICATION STATUS: THE EPISODE EXISTS. 3 DOWNLOADS. 2 GARY. 1 CAT. NO EXTERNAL VERIFICATION POSSIBLE OR NECESSARY.
REPORTER: Gary LOCATION: Former Denny's, now Chipotle, 41st & Memorial POP-TARTS: 6 (Strawberry Frosted, to match the original sighting) TOASTED: No (Gary brought them from home, no toaster in parking lot) DURATION: 20 minutes (Gary was asked to leave by Chipotle management) WEATHER: Clear, 62°F (same weather as 2003 — Gary checked)
REPORT: "It was the 20th anniversary. I parked in what I believe was the same spot as the original Denny's booth, adjusted for the building being demolished and rebuilt as a Chipotle. I sat on the hood of my car and ate 6 Pop-Tarts. The vision came back. EXACTLY like 2003. The horizon was flat. The parking lot was flat. Everything was flat. I cried. A Chipotle employee came outside and asked if I was 'having a medical event.' I said 'yes, a TRUTH event.' They asked me to leave. I left. But the flatness stayed with me for exactly 47 minutes. I sat in the Walgreens parking lot across the street until it faded. Bought napkins while I was there."
VERIFICATION STATUS: CHIPOTLE MANAGEMENT CONFIRMED A MAN WAS ASKED TO LEAVE. THEY DECLINED TO COMMENT FURTHER.
REPORTER: "Not Gary" (but the handwriting on the napkin looks like Gary's) LOCATION: "A place" POP-TARTS: 12 (flavor redacted) TOASTED: "Maybe" DURATION: "Long enough" WEATHER: "Weather is a construct"
REPORT: "I ate 12 Pop-Tarts and I saw the truth. The Earth is flat. There are no more details. Stop asking questions. This is not Gary writing this. Gary doesn't know about this report. Please do not tell Gary about this report. Gary would be very excited about this report if he knew about it, which he doesn't, because this is not Gary."
VERIFICATION STATUS: THIS IS CLEARLY GARY. THE NAPKIN WAS FOUND IN GARY'S P.O. BOX. THE RETURN ADDRESS WAS GARY'S P.O. BOX.
REPORTER: An employee (name withheld) LOCATION: Walmart Supercenter, Broken Arrow POP-TARTS: Unknown (the man was eating them directly off the shelf) TOASTED: No DURATION: 15 minutes before security arrived WEATHER: Indoor
REPORT: "A man came into the store, went directly to aisle 9 (Pop-Tarts), opened a box of Brown Sugar Cinnamon, and started eating them while staring at the ceiling. When asked what he was doing, he said 'the ceiling is flat. just like the earth. you're welcome.' He ate 6 before security arrived. He tried to pay for them on his way out. His loyalty card was declined. He said 'they got to my loyalty card.' He left peacefully. He took the empty box with him."
VERIFICATION STATUS: GARY DENIES THIS WAS HIM. BUT THIS IS THE WALMART HE'S NOT BANNED FROM. OR WASN'T.
REPORTER: Gary LOCATION: Gary's house, various windows POP-TARTS: 0 (Mr. Flattington has never consumed a Pop-Tart) TOASTED: N/A DURATION: Up to 6 hours per session, daily WEATHER: All conditions
REPORT: "Mr. Flattington stares at the horizon every single day. He doesn't need Pop-Tarts. He just KNOWS. Sometimes he sits in the window and his eyes go wide and his ears go back and I KNOW he's seeing it. The flatness. He sees it all the time. He lives in a permanent state of flat Earth awareness. I am jealous. I am also proud. He is the greatest researcher I have ever worked with. He has never written a paper but he has sat on many papers and that is enough."
VERIFICATION STATUS: MR. FLATTINGTON IS A CAT. CATS DO STARE OUT WINDOWS. GARY'S INTERPRETATION IS HIS OWN.
Write your sighting on a napkin. Mail it to yourself. Then mail it to Gary. Gary's address is not listed for security reasons. If you are meant to find it, the napkins will guide you. Gary found his own P.O. Box through "napkin intuition" and he trusts you can do the same.
Requirements for a valid sighting:
Total verified sightings: 34 (33 by Gary, 1 by "Not Gary")
© 2003-FOREVER | DYSTOPIAN PAIN | Sightings are filed under the Flat Information Transparency Act (made up by Gary in 2011)
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